I’ve always considered myself a risk taker, but recently I’ve discovered the daunting task of hopelessly trying to convince a man I’m worthy of a commitment.
I’m a sucker for anything a little broken and, in fact, I prefer a bit of a challenge. But I quickly grew tired of the circus that became my life. Jumping through flaming hula hoops and back flips all in hopes that I was one step closer to making him mine.
Holding on to high expectations and reading too much into, well, everything, has a way of turning any fun little chase into a frustrating mind game. It’s problematic, and it’s one of those things where it’s over before it even started.
His causal narrow look on what we could never be had me constantly wondering what I was doing wrong or how I could make it better. Even though he had been honest about his inability to commit to anything other than Monday Night Football, I believed otherwise.
He was funny, charming and had a way of making me just melt. We played the happy couple role well. We’d hang out all the time and watch movies. I even gave up meat for the guy (he’s a vegetarian), and I’m a lady who enjoys a good steak every once and a while. After all my efforts and tofu dinners went unnoticed, I began to lose my cool. He wanted the “benefits” of a devoted couple, with the freedom of a bachelor.
After repeatedly ignoring any of my mother’s advice, “men are all evil,” I finally realized that the only role I was actually playing out was one of a delusional teenager in my own Lifetime Original movie titled, “Anyone But Mayra.” All of my wishful thinking had completely blurred out all the things I had wanted for myself.
Somewhere between “I’m just not ready” and “let’s not get into it,” I realized I was no longer able to justify his excuses. I decided I needed to get out before I ended up angry, bitter and in therapy.
I mean, taking it slow is one thing, but when you have reached a complete stop on a very bumpy ride, maybe it’s best to just ditch the scene and start walking.
Regardless of my “it’s you, not me” George Costanza-situation, I have been undeniably defeated. I know now that when a man says he isn’t looking for a commitment, that isn’t code for try harder; it’s a red flag, and you should thank the man for his brutal honesty and run the other way.
